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It’s been a s#1t week! And I’m not perfect….

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Have you ever had one of those weeks?

There is no way around it – it has been a shit 7 days! And I am here to admit that I am not perfect – and that I have not dealt with it all very well!

It started off with lunch with my mother! This is always a source of stress and anxiety for me.  There is absolutely nothing like family to press your buttons! I felt that I had got out of it relatively unscathed having not lost my temper, not cried, and only being criticised a couple of times. So not bad generally.

But I was clearly feeling a bit fragile as on Tuesday I had a meeting with someone and received some criticism that knocked me off my feet.

I have often been told that I wear my feelings on my face! But I have been working soooo hard on it. I am using all of the tools and techniques that I have on myself daily. I have been consciously working on how I feel and how it comesout when I am under pressure. And the criticism I had this week was about someone not being able to read my mood! I mean, really?? So that pushed some major buttons. I could feel myself getting more and more angry and wound up by it. I mean I was fuming. I was irrational! I ate two magnums and went to bed feeling sick and full of regret.

Then on Wednesday I had a meeting about another job I have been doing for a while and they have decided to impose some changes on me that I don’t agree with. I, like most people, don’t particularly like being given ultimatums. I would much rather have an adult, open debate and come to an agreement. So being told that the changes were a ‘given’ without considering my point of view or listening to what I had to say was hard and pushed some buttons again.

And to really put the icing on the cake, I decided that Wednesday afternoon was the perfect time to phone the HMRC to sort out some tax that I owe! After the woman on the phone had repeated the same thing in tax office jargon for the umpteenth time I pointed out that repeating herself over and over using the same language was not going to suddenly enable me to understand what the hell she was talking about.

It all became too much. I’ll be honest with you – I ended up in tears. I was sobbing. It was a completely over the top, irrational, ridiculous response. But I just couldn’t stop.

Now I am not writing this looking for your pity, empathy or for any selfish reasons (although any donations of chocolate and/or Prosecco would be gratefully received!).

I’m writing this to share a few things which help me and to prove that I am human and not perfect!

When things go bad for me people will often say things like “at least you have coping mechanisms”, “at least you have techniques to deal with stuff”. And, yes, of course I do. But in the heat of the moment, in the thick of the problem, when stuff just keep piling on top of stuff, those techniques and mechanisms can often go out of the window and even the best of us, with all of the best tools at our disposal, can lose it.

And that’s OK.

I’m not superwoman. I’m not perfect. I have problems. I lose it sometimes. I am human.

Would you trust me as a coach any better if I was perfect and had everything under control all of the time? Or do you trust me more got being human and honest? I guess that’s your call!

But I just wanted to share a few things that have got me through and will help me move forward:

  1. Don’t do difficult things when you are not feeling up to it! Phoning the HMRC on a day when I was feeling shit was a stupid thing to do! It was never going to be an easy conversation. I was always going to get frustrated and annoyed. I should have saved it for a day when I was feeling OK and able to cope with the nonsense. Make sure that you check in with yourself to ensure that you have all of the emotional and mental resources you need before you go into something that you know is going to be potentially tricky
  2. Write it out. I have written out everything that I have felt about the last few days, everything that I have felt as a consequence of it. I have written out everything in terms of I feel …. and the I have rationalised it. I have sought evidence to support the opposite view. So where I have written that I feel worthless, I have looked for evidence to support the belief that I am worthy. It starts to flip the thoughts in my head and to change the reality around those thoughts and beliefs. It is a really powerful tool. Then I rip it all up and get rid of it.
  3. I have done some mindfulness practice. I have spent 10-15 minutes twice each day practising mindfulness. I have allowed the thoughts to still and leave my mind and I have focused on what I need to do to. It has enabled me to release the stuff that I don’t need and to get focused on what I need to do to move forward.
  4. I have talked to someone. I sat down with an objective, third party (not a friend or family) and talked it out. Friends and family are great but they tend to try to fix things! Sometimes you just need to talk without being fixed. Sometimes you just need someone to say – ‘yes, it is shit!’ without trying to do anything about it.

So I hope that this very honest and vulnerable post has reassured you that you are not alone in having bad weeks! We all do. Even with all of my knowledge, skills and techniques at my disposal I can still have a bad week.

But the key is to putting it to one side, getting up and getting on with life.

If any of this has resonated with you and you need to talk to someone, get in touch and we can arrange a chat – book your chat here.


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